“For all of us who knew John.”
For all of us who knew John, it’s a bittersweet time as we gather and celebrate his life. There are so few words which seem adequate to the task. But I will start off this dance with some of my own, hoping that they will do him some justice and that you’ll join in with some of your memories of the old rascal.
If there was anyone who deserved the title ‘Storyteller’ it was John. He loved to tell a tale, not so much fictional ones but rather his memories of things, wrapped up in his warm, loving and colourful way of saying them. And, even though you’d heard them many, many times (in some cases), you didn’t care because they came from his heart and you were so pleased to be in one of his recollections, for he told stories about people and moments he loved. Whether it was him meeting Quentin Crisp, one of his gay idols, or some drunken, stoned night going around and around Dollis Hill in his crap car.
He spoke often through the years about a memoir he was going to write. He would quip ‘It’s all in the book!’. Alas, in the end, all we have are the stories he told about many of us here today. I entered the book, in a chapter that might have been called ‘Big John and Little Bro’ and introduced a cast of characters many of which are still here today. Dom Shaw, Andy Snipper and Ann Trudell.
I met John in a coffee bar in the Cockpit Theatre London on my birthday. We were both coming along to try to join the youth theatre, which we did. Since that day we stayed together through thick and thin, joys and hardships. Our friendship was more like brothers, with him becoming far closer than my real world sibling had been. Our connection was something magical. No matter what had happened in my life, he was there to give advice, smile and best of all ‘tell me it would be alright’ while he hugged me. THE BEST HUGS EVER!!!! He was the brightest spark, the one closest to my heart and the most meaningful person in my life. My friend for forty-five wonderful years. Without him I would not have been able to pursue the life in theatre that I have had. He was there for me every step of the way….even the plays he didn’t like….which were several.
Now, when cancer came calling the first time, he fought and beat it. He survived and went on to spend more than a decade giving back by attending monthly meetings to help others through the despair this disease causes. He gave talks to pharmaceutical companies to try to get them to understand the human side of having Cancer. He went on walks and raised money and awareness. He did not let the grass grow under his feet, but instead decided to spend his time paying back his gift of life. Here is an example of his ‘love in action’. AARP is an American bi-monthly magazine, which focuses on aging-related issues, I call them problems! Robert Love, who worked for them and came to know John, sent New York photographer Michael Rubenstein to the monthly meeting of the Pancreatic Cancer Support Group at New York Presbyterian Hospital. They were doing an article about “Living With Cancer” featuring the story of actress Valerie Harper and our John. Michael took hundreds of shots during the meeting, then took John to different locations in the Hospital to take others. When they returned, the meeting was ending. For one woman who had just been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, it was her first and when she heard John’s story of HOPE, she cried. As they were putting on their coats she wanted to shake his hand and he said in that northern accent he never quite lost. “I don’t DO handshakes” and hugged her. Michael captured that moment and that was the one that appeared in the magazine in March 2016 and was seen by millions. I took ‘The Hug’ and created what John called a “celestial version”.
Now, let me draw this to a close with my thanks and gratitude to all the many good people who stood by John in his final year, when he was languishing in the American health care system without insurance trying to get chemo treatment. Especially Bree Burns who became his partner in crime and never wavered, Ann Trudell a life long friend to him, Chris Jones and her sister Susan Benson who stepped up and provided much good food, needed monies and comfort to help him through this phase. And, one last person to mention is Bill Haigney, another agent of love taken from us who sadly passed away in Feb. I am eager to hear your stories of my soul brother. We are all less for his leaving, but oh, so much more richer for having had him in our lives.
Now, I exit stage right pursued by a bear.
Peace and thank you for coming.
